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Reading Time: 10 minutes, 1,367 words. Ideas inspired by the [good]men initiative. Read backstory here. Check out the [good]men website here. Or, Subscribe for free:
Anytime you share life stories with other people, you know, you are acknowledging their humanity and kind of accessing some things about yourself, and other people start to expect things about themselves. It's kind of like a fellowship.
Jill Scott
The invite I sent out a few weeks ago:
We would like to have you join an invite-only gathering to help us play-test a new public event called [good]men "City Walk" that we're prototyping with the idea of co-hosting a future version monthly.
Details:
a 90-min guided 'walking conversation' for men
Wed. May 7th from 6:00-7:30pm
a Downtown Columbus walking loop -- somewhere between 400 West Rich and the Topiary Garden. Specific meet-up spot to be shared later.
(12) spots max
Seeking:
(12) diverse [good]men who are great conversationalists
play-test a set of conversation prompts and group dialogue
feedback from participants on:
— conversation prompts and topics
— conversation and reflection process
— walking route and physical aspect
— examples of [good]men to invite to future "City Walk" experiences
— potential impact of the concept
Last night we gathered to test the theory.
You get guys around a campfire, and they start telling their stories. That's the fellowship that they want to be in.
John Eldredge
For the last year, I’ve had the privilege of leading groups of [good]men coming together for impactful conversations around their life’s “works > in > progress”.
And every single one of them has been ‘on trail’, in the forest, sun or snow alike.
The combination of being immersed in nature at any time of year in the company of really [good]men willing to explore the deeper questions in their heads and hearts has been impactful for others.
And life-changing for me.
These ‘on trail’ experiences are a continuation of 8 years of leading some version of regular men’s gatherings (around bonfires and in Zoom calls), but over the last year the forest (et al) has become a critical tool for me as I design experiences that provide men space to reflect, open up, and build community.
Despite that, I’ve been wondering:
How might we leverage the city ‘as a trail’ in the same immersive spirit?
Also, how might we create a wider access point for a larger set of men from diverse backgrounds who might not want to ‘head to the woods’ or commit to a half-day or multi-day experience?
So, after months of planning, Donte Woods-Spikes and I ran our 1st-ever [𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱]𝗺𝗲𝗻 “𝗖𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗪𝗮𝗹𝗸” experience last night in downtown Columbus.
Simply put: it’s an evolving experiment in bringing men together to shape conversations that matter while walking shoulder-to-shoulder in the city.
We wanted to test a single experience with an eye on hosting a series in time.
A block of time after work.
No gear required (save for good walking shoes).
Just a willingness to show up and be curious in the company of [good]men.
A father figure is setting the blueprint, the model, the standard, the way for you to become a man and take on the world for yourself.
Jadakiss
We prototyped this initial “City Walk” experience concept around the topic of “Father Figures”, a topic that we knew would allow each man a chance to go deep personally while also keeping an eye on the larger forces around us.
We gave the group the following prompts to explore over (3) conversational walks and reflection gatherings during our two hours together:
𝗖𝗢𝗡𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡 #𝟭:
- Who defines the concept of ‘father figure’ for your own life?
- Who is (or was) an unexpected ‘father figure’ in your own life?
𝗖𝗢𝗡𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡 #2:
- What does it mean for you to personally be a ‘father figure’ to someone else?
- Beyond your own family, who are you an unexpected ‘father figure’ for?
𝗖𝗢𝗡𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡 #3:
- What is our responsibility as men today to purposefully serve as ‘father figures’?
- How might WE develop greater capacity to serve as ‘father figures’ as a community of men?
Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.
Doug Larson
The result of these walking conversations?
Beyond inspiring:
Conversations and connections alike.
Not once did we see any pair of men ‘stop talking’ early.
Literally: not once.
We had to interrupt every single time.
No matter the topic and no matter the pairing (or small group), there was a desire for the conversation to continue.
Incredible. Yet, not surprising.
This is what we crave.
Honest conversation.
Being listened to.
Holding space for each other.
Men — most who had never met the majority of participants prior to showing up; some who knew nobody except either Donte or me — spoke truth, with humility and openness, listened deeply without competing for space or opinion, found friendship and genuine understanding.
And modeled who [good]men are the moment they show up.
Fascinating to be present with these men as they explored.
A few themes that particularly stood out to me:
the relationship between fatherhood and being ‘fathered’ ourselves
mentoring people older than oneself and being mentored by those younger than us
shifting generational perspective on how masculinity shows up as a ‘father figure’
the essence of being kind and doing the right thing as being central to any version of healthy masculinity and fatherhood
the conscious choice to not repeat the unhealthy habits of the past while also holding dearly to the wisdom of our elders
the power of ‘presence’ — simply showing up and listening to others
feeling empathy and grace re: what our own parents must have gone thru as ‘young’ people, who seemed so ‘old’ to us at the time, while making it up at every step just like we do
how ‘father figure’ is not about family, how it’s similar to mentoring, how it’s about presence and integrity, how we have no control over what others may do but we influence in ways that are invisible and limitless
a healthy debate between the psychological frames of ‘father’ and ‘dad’
wondering if our own fathers had circles of [good]men like this to lean on thru their own lives; realizing we wish they did; recognizing why we need them
recognizing the imperfections within even the most striking ‘father figures’
why conversational circles like these provide each of us a different layer of fellowship and ‘father figures’ we didn’t know we were seeking
[N]ot having a father figure - I noticed a hole in my life. For the longest time, I would run away from my problems instead of confronting them. I felt empty at one point. Not depressed, but empty.
Henry Cejudo
One of the participants wrote the following to me this morning:
"Thank you for organizing the walk and inviting such a fantastic group.
The discussion was thoughtful and insightful. The group discussion reminded me of Bible study or Christian fellowship without being religious.
The walking part is the best."
Not sure Donte and I could receive a better reflection after this initial play-test.
Excited to see where this new [good]men initiative leads as more men come together to shape conversations that matter as they walk shoulder-to-shoulder in the city.
Extremely grateful to my creative partner and co-facilitator, Donte, for taking a chance on this concept. Last night was a gift. So were the last few months of planning.
Equally grateful to the incredible group of [good]men who walked with us:
- Andrew Dodson
- Andy Sparks
- Brent Foley
- Chris Moss
- Jamie Greene
- Jonathan Moody
- Justin Smith
- Matt Slaybaugh
- Steven Shapiro
- Thad DeVassie
- Tim Lai
- "Yogi" Yohannan Terrell
Looking forward, our goal is to analyze:
what worked and didn’t work — timing, transitions, etc.
what did work — an overarching theme, a range of questions, curated group, etc.
what we’re curious about — ongoing series with set dates and locations, opening to the public, a fee (so folks commit), being outside during ‘cold months’, even expanding to different cities (via a program template), etc.
No rush to figure it all out.
We have time.
But I can’t wait to see who shows up next.
And to see where they lead us.
“The willingness to show up changes us. It makes us a little braver each time.”
Brene Brown
Thank You
Appreciate you reading, subscribing to, and sharing this journal.
And please reach out to me at christian [@] bonfire-workshop [.] com to:
join [good]men on trail, in a retreat, etc.;
sign up for executive coaching sessions; or
collaborate to co-create experiences for others.
Cheers, Christian
P.S. “[good]men. | works.in.progress.” backstory can be read here.
And as always, you can subscribe — for free — to this journal here:
To the complete lack of surprise to me, I couldn't love this approach and outcomes-in-progress more.